Recently, a friend called me, stressed from an encounter at the grocery store. She sounded scared and angry, retelling the story of how an older man paid for her groceries and left. There were residual feelings of guilt and shame – he left before she got to tell him thank you, it felt like it had taken away part of her autonomy, no one asked her if this was ‘okay’. She then told me that she had a traumatic experience in the past and it caused this fear of men and certain power dynamics that triggered her.
It was interesting because, a week ago, I had a parallel experience (not at a grocery store), where I felt triggered because of something that happened in the past.
We talked through it and, at the end, she felt much better.
The next morning, I woke up with a sense of clarity:
Each experience in our lives is, inherently, neutral.
The things that happen…happen.
It is our beliefs, perspectives, emotions and past that cause us to color in whether something is good/bad/somewhere in between.
And for each of us it will be different.
To a recovering alcoholic, a drink is “bad”.
To a celebrating couple, a champagne toast is “good”.
Someone bangs your car – “bad”. Insurance ends up paying for a new one – “good”.
Each experience and moment is a blank white canvas.
It is our judgements, feelings, thinking that paint the colored strokes.
There is no right or wrong, as much as we’ve been told so.
Life just “is”.
It is only us, our human selves, our egos, that decide to cast our opinions, judgements and beliefs onto everything.
The contrast is there for us to experience.
What truly makes you happy?
What experience do You actually want to have?
Do you want to color this moment in with anger?
Perhaps let it go.
And then peace, joy, delight comes in?
Maybe things don’t work out because something better is meant to come along.
Maybe these were lessons on the ways you did not value yourself.
And then you offer yourself compassion, grace and then move on…
If you’re on this journey of mastery over your personal reality, then you realize that it is your choice how heavy the burden you carry with you. Each moment is new. Don’t be afraid to let go of old stories. Life can be lighter and easier.
It is, after all, your choice.
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