Something that has come to the forefront of my consciousness recently is this:
In the culture I grew up in, everything (most particularly intimate expressions and feelings) is expressed in a way where it is understood and implied.
Cut up fruit served on a plate after an argument: I’m sorry. Forgive me. I love you.
A divorced aunt living with her female partner: That’s her girlfriend. She is in a same-sex partnership.
“Have you eaten yet?”: I care about you, I worry about your well-being. I love you.
A bowl of warm soup: A tender hug from me. I wish to keep you warm and safe.
These implicit statements carry a heavy burden and weight because the truth seems too delicate and fragile to be directly stated.
I will not say ‘I love you’, but you will learn to know my love in many other ways.
In my mother-culture, you must learn to navigate communication (verbal and non-verbal) through context, clues and understanding tones.
The Cantonese dialect has six tones, ranging from falling, rising to level. The same word with a slightly different tone will mean something completely different.
魚 (jyu4) – “fish” and 雨 (jyu5) – “rain”
買 (maai5) – “to buy” and 賣 (maai6) – “to sell”
And from this, I learned the importance of nuance. To use the correct tone and inflection in my spoken communication to clearly express my intentions, feelings and the subtleties of my experience without outwardly stating it.
The outer world of Western culture taught me the differences of what I experience and learned from home. The same rules do not apply. Verbal communication and actions are much more direct. Stated. Casual.
“I love you”s are abundant. Hugs and physical touch are normal amongst friends, peers and family. People speak what is on their mind. Affection is shown in the most direct manner. Sometimes subtly but the need to navigate interactions with a map is unnecessary. Interpreter not needed.
I wonder:
In one culture, to express such sentiments carries a heavy weight. So much meaning. A precious commodity.
In another, to express the same sentiments reveals a transparency of the mind and heart. Casual in its use. Abundant and thus…does it lighten the weight that they hold?
This exploration of non-verbal and verbal intimacy brings me great interest. A traveler between two cultures, where I must bridge my knowledge between both.
Does my sensitivity to intonation and perceived nuances put me at an advantage or disadvantage in my communications?
Do I read into things too much because that’s what my early survival depended on?
As I move through life and the world, I feel we change each other. Painting and painter become one.
Leave a Reply