In all my thirty one-almost-two years of experience, I’ve had a lot of successes and failures with implementing habits and goals. Going through it blind, I’ve learned what works for me and what doesn’t. And I recently realized I love creating systems, especially for people who are like me. Ambitious, defiant high achievers yet easily distracted, perhaps too hard on themselves and operates much better with both structure and freedom.
I’ve examined the ways I’ve successfully created a new habit or reached a new goal and created a simple framework that can help you with yours. The best thing about this system is that I’m not telling you what you need to do. I’m helping you create your own system to get whatever it is you want.
Maybe this similar to all of those self-help habit books. I haven’t read them. They didn’t help me (because I like being my own authority).
Anyways, people do things because they want to. Now, the hardest thing is to make yourself do something you don’t want to do but you know you have to because it’s good for you.
And the other thing is: you need to want this before you can read this. There’s this saying that goes: people have to want change before they can do it.
“You can’t force change. Before someone can make lasting change to a specific behavior or trait, they need to want to make those changes. You can certainly offer encouragement and support or set an example of positive change, but you can’t control anyone else’s actions.”
So if you’re reading this, maybe it’s a sign. There’s something you want and you’re ready for it.
THE SEVEN STEPS TO ACHIEVING A NEW HABIT/GOAL
- intention
- clarifying habit/goal
- setting up a system
- progress & tracking
- accountability
- rewards & celebrating milestone successes
- flexibility
WHAT IS YOUR INTENTION?
To understand and successfully implement a new habit or goal in our lives, we have to know WHY we want to achieve this habit/goal and WHAT we think the outcome will be. Most of the time, doing something without understanding the WHY will result in failure because if we lose focus, there isn’t something to snap us back to it. We need a WHY to remind us why we started in the first place and to keep us on track as we get closer to the outcome/goal.
For example, if my goal is to lose weight, I understand I will need to take a specific action to accomplish this goal, whether that is adjusting my diet, working out or addressing my beliefs about my body. My WHY could be: confidence, feeling and looking good in clothes, to become more attractive, to be happier in my body.
It is important that the WHY is coming from YOU and not an external factor. Habits and actions to reach goals only work out if you decide you want to. Not because someone else wants you to.
Reflections:
Why do you want this new habit/goal?
What do you hope to accomplish/gain?
CLARIFYING HABIT/GOAL
Get specific about your habit/goal. Give it measurability and definability, whether that means a specific time frame or number. Example: you want to lose 10 pounds. You want to meditate for at least ten minutes daily. You want to write a book within a year.
SETTING UP A SYSTEM
Now that you have your intention (your why), you’ll need to figure out how to create a system for you to move closer to your goal. You will need to examine how much of a time commitment you can make for the actions you’ll take. Then you’ll need to actively make time to complete the action needed. Sometimes the system will need to account for expanding the goal (if you start small).
Reflections:
How will you make room for the actions needed to achieve your goal?
How often does the action need to be taken? Daily, weekly, bi-weekly, monthly, etc.?
Are there any tools or preparations needed before starting?
How soon can you start?
TRACKING
Imagine you’re walking a long journey through a forest. At some point, in the middle, the trees may get so thick you have lost sight of the destination. It can be easy to give up. If the road to your goal is long, then you will need some way of making sure you’re still on your path.
It can be helpful to have a notebook to keep track. If you want to make it more fun, you can even get a chart with some stickers.
Reflections:
How will you know you are on track with achieving your goal?
What method(s) will you use to track?
ACCOUNTABILITY
The truth is, no one is going to be as passionate about your goal than you. So this means, if you’re an adult, there’s no one to remind you that you need to take action to step forward. If you don’t have people that can help keep you accountable in your life, you’ll need to keep yourself on track. I don’t believe in negative reinforcement so find a way to encourage yourself to take the actions you need to. Check ins and self reflections can be helpful.
Reflections:
How will you be honest with yourself about where you are on your journey and progress?
Will you need someone to check in with you or are you able to do this yourself?
REWARDS & MILESTONES
Learn from me – don’t wait until you reach your goal to celebrate yourself. Every step forward is a success, even if you fall from time to time. Break up your goal into chunks where you can celebrate yourself as you reach certain milestones. Reward yourself in a way that is pleasing to you with whatever you like. It can be as special as a treat as you want to. It takes at least 21 days to train yourself to accept a new habit.
Reflections:
What will the milestones of moving towards your goal look like?
What would you reward yourself with?
How will you celebrate your successes?
FLEXIBILITY
Life happens. Things come up. You get busy. You forget. That’s okay. Give yourself grace and compassion. The worst thing you can do is just give up altogether. Starting up again is important. Forgive yourself. Be easier on yourself. When you realize you’ve left off, pick back up. You are a human being, not a machine.
It can be as simple as taking action right away when you remember. Moving it into another time slot in the week. Doing something a little different so you can still take action towards your goal.
Reflections:
How will you respond if resistance pops up along the path and you lose focus?
What will you do if you miss a scheduled action?
CASE STUDY: I WANT TO MEDITATE
INTENTION: I want to be more centered, focused and grounded in my day-to-day. I want to experience inner peace. I want to improve my brain function. I want to relieve stress.
CLARIFYING HABIT/GOAL: I want to meditate ten minutes daily for the rest of my life.
SETTING A SYSTEM: I choose to meditate every morning for ten minutes, right when I wake up, before I get out of bed and do anything else. I create a meditation playlist of sounds to set myself up.
TRACKING: I will use a habit tracker to see my progress.
ACCOUNTABILITY: I will reference the habit tracker and maybe find a friend to check in on me at the end of my day or join me. I can also join a meditation group, find community online or in person.
REWARD & CELEBRATION: My milestones will be once a week for the first month. Then once a month for the next 12 months.
FLEXIBILITY: If I miss my morning meditation, I will do it any time I have in the day before I go to sleep or right as I go to bed. If I miss a day, I will forgive myself, practice compassion and perhaps include an additional 10 minute meditation some time in my week.
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