It’s a rainy and overcast day here in SoCal…one of few…and while the rain nourishes the earth and we’re all cozied up, I find myself sitting at one of my favorite cafes in Long Beach.
Entering into the space, I felt really welcomed by the baristas…people I’ve gotten to know over the past few months. The ambience is cozy and intimate…Joey, one of the owners, queued up “Julia” by Mt. Joy to play as we chatted. Something that really made me feel special and joyful.
It’s moments and days like today where I feel especially connected and embodied in the knowing and awareness that everything is all right in my world. I feel deeply touched, loved, comforted and safe in this moment. So much so that I feel this welling in my heart, lungs and eyes. It feels like a warm and smooth R&B song (a cover of Lover’s Rock plays by The Brook & The Bluff). Moments and spaces like this cafe remind me of the beauty of the present moment and the thoughts of warm bubbles of love that I’ve experienced throughout my life – moments cozy at home, surrounded by family members, with strangers & strangers-turned-friends throughout my travels, the presence and embraces of lovers and even in the moving stillness of nature. All of a sudden, I am warm again.
The importance of third spaces (like a cafe) becomes an increasing topic of interest for me – a space that is separate from the two usual environments one is familiar with: home and work. Coming from a large city like New York, where the presence of third spaces are overwhelmingly available, as I move towards smaller and less densely populated areas, I wonder about communities and how to create a thriving container.
You may notice third spaces in your own area. They range from a variety of interests where likeminded people gather: churches, bars, clubs, community centers, libraries, gyms, bookstores, parks, the outdoors, art spaces, markets…
The importance of having a sacred container that offers a space for everyone to join is vital to any healthy community. These places must be accessible to anyone on any income level and equalizes the “playing field” for people to join. There’s a variety of third spaces and some of them may not be achievable to all (think: membership only spaces, country clubs with a high entrance fee or restrictive practices). And not all third places are indoors…I’ve learned that the outdoors can be a particularly beautiful third place to gather, especially if you live in a warmer climate.
Anyways, back to the topic of cafes and why I find they’re ever so important. These types of places typically have a low entry fee (the cost of a drink) or none at all (libraries). Where anyone is free to connect with anyone else. Where you have the freedom to be part of conversation or deepen your work in a setting that makes you feel less alone. It’s a safe place for community and connection to thrive. People of all ages, lifestyles and paths can connect. Especially the elderly portion of the community, who are at most risk of becoming excluded. Where you show up and you’re unconditionally accepted as you are, wherever you’re at. Bad mood. Good mood. Productive. In a silly goofy chatty mood…
Maybe it’s just my love affair of cafes…I’ve always been a child that relished in shopping for stationary, being at one with my thoughts, writing things down, self studying, taking a break to look up, stretch and chat with my fellow peers, look around for inspiration, overhear interesting topics…
It reminds me of visiting bookstores and libraries, eager to dive deep and focus into my topic of interest…of hanging out in parks with my friends as a child, where we didn’t have any pocket money and our homes were off limits.
As my lifestyle changes and I evolve as a person, I find that my needs also shift. I’ve moved away from drinking and the appeal of bars have lessened dramatically in my experience. Yet I find they are one of the places that, unlike most cafes, are open late and allow for that same experience that a cafe offers: community, conversation and connection.
The idea of tea houses have come up for me. I have very fond memories of gathering in the living room throughout my life: at home, with family, at the end of the day, after a long meal, hanging out during the holidays, with strangers in a hostel…and as I find people are also moving away from alcohol, there is still this desire to have late night connections that are more intimate and casual, rather than the productivity and focused environment that a daytime cafe offers.
So I have this concept that I’d love to get off the ground and running. A living room concept tea house:
I dream of cozy seating – couches, floor pillows, loungers, arm chairs…ambient lighting…candles…soft music…soulful, R&B, jazz, hand pan, meditative…pots of tea on warmers, a selection of loose leaf teas, a tea bar where you can craft your own blend…tea cups made by artisans…artwork displayed…hand made crafts for purchase…artists and open mic nights: poetry readings, spoken word, dance…Maybe it is the soul and spirit of old New York that shines through. A container for meditation and art to breathe together.
I wait for the perfect opportunity and sequence of events to pull this together. The space. The business partners. The funding. I have the vision. I’ve crafted the menus. Done some preliminary research. Put together a deck…
If there’s anything I’ve learned so far in this journey of mine…is that there is no reason to force. All I have to do is trust and it’ll all work out.
I hope this piece inspires you to think about the third spaces that exist in your life…and perhaps visiting them more often, whichever appeals to you. Perhaps you’ll learn something new. Meet someone interesting. Find something that delights you…or inspiration for a dream of your own…
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