scenes & spaces : 001 : thailand : 2020

As my time in Thailand comes to a conclusion, I reminisce through these photos of the places and spaces that once existed in a moment in time. No longer accessible in physical reality, I rely on these images to bring forth the experiences I drifted and engaged in. This inspiration comes from reading my old blog, grateful for my past self for documenting portions of my life. It’s such a beautiful experience to be able to sense into the mindset I was in with the perspective I have now. Many thoughts and emotions come to mind. I think of what I would tell my younger self with what I’ve learned and gained in experience.

I am now laying belly down on the bed of my rented apartment on the island of Koh Samui, spending a few days here decompressing from Crystal Island before I head to Bangkok for two days to do some shopping and relax into city life and then moving onwards to Mexico. I sit here revising my photo roll, integrating all of this. Living in the moment is so beautiful and yet here I am, reminded that it is important to take some time to be alone and digest everything.

At the beginning of my journey, I felt enthusiastic, excited and exhilarated at being able to actualize a dream almost ten years in the making. I am so honored to be able to still be traveling. I think of how ambitious I was, thinking three months would be enough time to ‘figure life out’ (which I now come to realize it isn’t a thing), that I would be so sure of returning to New York City to resume life as ‘normal’ (which also is not a thing). I sense so many possibilities ahead of me. In each moment I live, there are multitudes of realities and options that exist. It’s like one of those ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ Goosebumps books that I used to be obsessed with. Each decision leads to another, like a butterfly effect.

I think of all the coconuts, fruit shakes and fried rices I’ve consumed. The ecstatic dances, the LSD trips, the spontaneous adventures (like accepting an invite from a guy I met at a cafe to his goodbye party at a beach only accessible by boat), beach parties, cafes, Cha Yens, cuddle puddles, tantra courses, a month long Yoga Teacher Training, the esoteric and spiritual downloads I’ve had, emotional and mental crises and then pulling myself out of the dark somehow, the smiles, the people, the travelers, the stories, the strangeness, the newness, the romances, the spontaneity, the mountains, the rice fields, the temples, the sunsets, Crystal Island, meditating, participating in my first art exhibition, scuba diving, getting kicked out of a hostel because it was shutting down due to the world situation, the advice and talks, beach bonfires, reminders to be grateful…

So much of the life I once knew has begun to crumble and fall away…a reality that seems to fade into the background as this new reality continues its expansion. I think of all the co creating that has occurred. The prophesies. The dreaming. The building. So much contrast in eight months adding into my life. I told friends that I feel like a newborn child in this world learning to be human. Delicate and fragile. I think of learning to embrace my femininity. Learning to love. To let go. To surrender. To not control.

Thank you to everything in this experience for pushing me towards a path I had not even considered. To continue traveling. To abandon the known and step courageously into the unknown. To be excited, anticipating the next part of the journey.

See you later, Thailand. It has been absolutely fabulous.

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